SALT in the wound, the ugly side of the business…

At any rate, watching her as the female “lone ranger” beating the crap out of all her aggressors and those people who betrayed her was rather therapeutic for me. In one scene she says, all bruised, bloodied-up and supposedly beaten, “They took everything from me, I will kill them”…or something to that effect. It was a GREAT delivery of a GREAT line!

Mine goes something like this “ They TRIED to take the everything from me, I will SHOW 'em”.

Once again, someone who I have trusted has told me:

“You’re a lazy-ass”

“You have no talent”

“You have no knowledge”

“You have a dismal failure of a career”

“You don’t know what you’re doing”

“Obviously, you’re going to ignore me and the direction I think you should take”

When the only thing you have is the faith in yourself and someone tries to belittle you, that’s the time to say I'm out. I'm done. Sometimes at the end of the relationship (friendship, business partnership or love) one can’t help but think about the beginning.

What was said to me was ferociously hurtful, but oh, there is so much more. However, some are actually very valid points. I have made many mistakes along the way. I have no intention of making those again. Other statements are making me re-think my choices going forward as I re-group and re-strategize once again. And on many levels are correct.

Some of my decisions and most definitely about what types of songs I should be writing/singing but I will not be forced to something I do not feel in my heart. The music I LOVE, the music I adore is inspired by Mariachi, Flamenco, Gypsy, Ballads, Fado, Rock, Opera and of course, Boleros. Boleros are above all else my favorite form of expression and to my knowledge, there are a number of artists of Latino and Spanish decent who’s trademarks
are just that, that’s all they do! One of my favorite composers of ALL time is Armando Manzanero, who’s Boleros are imprinted in my heart from my childhood and I don’t recall ever hearing him do anything other than himself (I may be wrong, of course.) I tell my stories/sing my songs through those inspirations and the dances I love such as Ballroom, Tango, Paso Dobles...for me THOSE are sexy intense dances and they too inspire me. First and foremost I consider myself a teller of stories and it is imperative to me to choose the right vehicles for my stories. Of course, that’s not to say I will not write with someone else or experiment with
other styles, I will but ONLY those I love and am excited about and feel that I WANT to contribute to…not something being shoved down my throat. That’s me.

And let me also say, I do realize that people are not always going to agree 100% - 100% of the time with any collaborators or business partners. But once you embark on that road, with that bond of creativity, finances/talent and trust between you, for me, it signifies that
you NEVER give up on each other. When one falters (and we all do) the other(s) help you stay up. When one loses faith the other(s) have loads of it on your behalf. When ONE succeeds EVERYONE succeeds because they invested their time, talent and sweat equity into
the project and EACH one of their contributions is respected, appreciated and honored. But there are times when egos pollute even the best intentions.

In spite of it all, I do consider myself very lucky to have other partners in my world! They see the value I bring to the table and above all UNDERSTAND all the work I do behind the scenes
getting my hands “dirty” so to speak, so that they are heard as well as seen as my partners and part of the overall MILAGRO marketing machine. They know that I work non-stop (sleep = approx 4 hours a night) on our behalf, that air time is paid for, that press/media relationships are cultivated and nurtured, that barters are invaluable and creating all the marketing and design collateral is crucial to the overall success of the entire team. My music is my product but
what good is product if no one knows is exists?

Many times people think because you do not speak up in the beginning (perhaps because you are uncertain and feel less qualified at something) and because you do not stand up for
yourself that they can continue to use you as a punching bag time & time again. When you try to give that person leeway, do-overs and you keep forgiving indiscretion after indiscretion they think they have the right to take your power away from you because you do not fight back.
When loyalty binds you to them, you do not strike below the belt. You do not exploit your partner’s biggest fears or weaknesses but they do. When you show them kindness in that
way when they are kicking you with all their might…sometimes people mistake
kindness for weakness

And then there are times when after all that you worked so hard to achieve and prove is at stake you strike back! Hard, fast and with intense finality.

Of course, after all is said and done, I do realize that in the eyes of many people, they may see me as a failure with a dismal career. It could be. But at the end of the day, at least I had the “cajones” to create my own project, manage my band, write and collaborate on my own songs, create a non-profit, start my own radioshow and video production project and build my own company from nothing. I will have given it my all, LIVED the hell out of my experiences,
failed hundreds of times and got up, explored thousands of new ideas, dove in and JUST did it all to the best of my abilities. AND I don’t have a garage full of thousands of CDs just sitting there unsold.

lots of help from friends, family and collaborators/partners who believe in me almost as much and sometimes more than I do. They are the ones who’ll share the bread with this little hen…with a little “salt”, balsamic vinegar, olive oil and chili flakes of course!